This morning I read my wife a passage from a book I’m reading called Heavy Rain by Kris Vallotton.
It was seven tips on how to have a healthy confrontation with someone. Those tips were:
1) When a problem arises, make an appointment to talk to the person as soon as possible.
2) Let the person know how his or her behavior has affected you. Describe in detail how the actions in question are making you feel.
3) Ask the person how you can be part of the solution.
4) If other people are not part of the problem or part of the solution, it is none of their business.
5) If you realize during the conversation that you are the problem or part of the dilemma, be quick to repent. Humility always leads to repentance.
6) If you come to an impasse, have someone you both respect equally join you in another meeting to help resolve the issue.
7) Last but not least, don’t withdraw from the person after a conflict.
I thought, wow, that’s good.
Then tonight we went to hang out with some close friends of ours, friends who are like family to us.
After we got in the car and left we both talked about how we sensed something felt “off.” Like there was a disconnect or something and we wondered if we had done something to offend our friends.
As we talked and tried to figure out what we may have done to offend them it hit me that this is going to require a confrontation. I told my wife it’ll do no good to try and “guess” what’s going on. We have to ask.
But it’s hard to do. It’s way easier to read about confrontation in a book. But it takes courage to actually do it! So tomorrow I will make a phone call, even though I don’t feel like it.
Why? Because I care about this relationship. And sometimes you have to find the courage to ask the hard questions if you truly care.