I woke up at 6:00 a.m. this morning to put the trash out and then went back to sleep until 9:45 a.m.
Well, to be honest I went back to “bed” until 9:45 a.m. It was one of those mornings where I felt like I didn’t want to face the day.
Lately I’ve felt depressed, exhausted and frustrated about my business. Most of this business stress has stemmed from not knowing what to do next. There are so many different projects, partnerships and areas I could give my time to but it all feels so overwhelming.
I’m afraid of making the “wrong” decision and wasting more time and money in the process.
I know what it’s like to give myself 100% to a new venture, only to fall flat on my face.
So I’ve placed a lot of pressure on myself to “focus on the one thing” I should be doing. The problem is, if I’m honest, I don’t know what that ONE thing is!
I feel like I’m stuck in a hallway lined with doors and only one of them is the right one. All the others will take me into a dark room where I just waste years of my life spinning my wheels.
And since I don’t know what’s behind the doors I end up just pacing the hallway, refusing to open any door. When I get like this I feel like a dark cloud starts to overshadow every thought I have and everything I do.
And when I get depressed I hear a little voice tell me stories of past failures. I hear things like:
- “You suck at business. Why are you doing this? You should get a job.”
- “You’re not an entrepreneur so stop pretending you are. Everybody else already knows this, you’re like the last one to find out.”
- “What are you doing to your family? You’re taking risks that are hurting them. You’re so selfish.”
The more I listen, the more I feel like a complete failure.
This is the state of mind I was in this morning. Hiding from life under my blankets.
I eventually crawled out of bed and took a shower. Then I did 20 pushups to wake my body up and then walked out to my “office” in the RV.
I figured that meditating on the Word would probably be a good idea. So I turned to Psalm 1 which reads:
“Blessed is the man
Who walks not in the counsel of the ungodly,
Nor stands in the path of sinners,
Nor sits in the seat of the scornful;
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water.
That brings forth its fruit in its season,
Whose leaf also shall not wither;
And whatever he does shall prosper.”
What hit me was verse 3 that says if you delight, and meditate, in His Word, then “whatever” you do shall prosper.
When I read that I realized an important truth:
“It’s less about making the right decision and more about what’s happening inside of me.”
This removed the pressure of opening the “right door” and provided a new metaphor for me to interpret my present situation.
No longer was I standing in that stupid narrow hallway in some dark building; instead I was out in nature, next to a river. And I was one of the trees planted next to the bank. A tree whose roots went deep and was able to receive life from the water, which was the Spirit of God!
As soon as I had this paradigm shift my mood changed. My circumstances didn’t. But who I was in that moment changed as I got better perspective on my life and business.
I now realize that it’s not my job to try and predict what’s “Behind Door #1.”
I can’t see around the corner. I don’t know what the future holds. So instead I’m free to spend that time and energy delighting myself in the Presence of God and meditating in His Word.
When I do that it may not seem like I’m doing much. When you look at a tree it doesn’t look like it’s working hard or doing anything productive. In fact, it doesn’t appear to be doing anything! And for a Type-A person like me the thought of doing nothing seems like a horrible idea. Especially when “something” needs to happen.
So there’s a tension there between my natural, earthly way of thinking and my spiritual, renewed mind. When I’m more spiritually-minded I know the act of “abiding” is one of the most important things I could do. It’s what allows my roots to stretch out and go deeper. It’s where “deep calls unto deep.”
But if I’m operating strictly from my natural mind I forget this and quickly dismiss it as a waste of time.
Something I’ll do later after focus on more “practical” things like hitting my sales goals, making payroll and launching a new marketing campaign.
It’s the difference between “heavenly wisdom” and “earthly wisdom.”
And so I’m faced with a choice. So are you. We can either continue to place the burden on our natural minds and get stuck in the hallway of indecision or we can be the tree planted by the river, sucking up the spiritual nutrients we need to live a healthy life.
There will still be decisions to make. But how we make those decisions changes because “who” we are has changed. Do you believe this?